Four Things that Destroy our Joy and How to Prevent It

“I can’t do it anymore!  It’s just too much!”  Have you ever had thoughts like this?  I have many times—when I’m behind on laundry and my husband doesn’t have clean socks for work, when the dishes are piled high in the sink, when the baby is demanding to be held again, when my older kids are fighting again, or when it’s lunchtime and we still haven’t done school for the day.  Sometimes, when I look at the chaos that is my life, I just want to hide from it all.

As women, we wear so many hats and have so many demands on our time and attention and energy.  It’s hard to balance it all.  It can be overwhelming.  It can be stressful.  I know there are days when I fall into bed at night just glad that my children and I survived the day. 

That’s not the way God intended for us to live our lives, though, stressed out and overwhelmed.  In fact, Jesus said in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  Satan tries to steal our joy, kill our relationships, and destroy our peace.  Jesus, on the other hand, came to give us an abundant life.  The word used here for abundant can mean “extraordinary or uncommon.”  God’s plan is that we should have lives that are uncommon and extraordinary.  What does that look like, though?  How do we live an abundant life? 

Paul gives us one piece of the puzzle in Philippians 4:4, where he writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.”  Our abundant life should be joyful!  It’s hard, though, to be joyful in the midst of our messy, stressful lives.

As I continued to read Paul’s words in Philippians 4, I identified four things that eat away at our joy.  You can remember them by the word ACID.  They are anxiety, criticism, ignorance, and discontentment.  We all face these things, but we don’t have to let them steal our joy.  As we read through Philippians 4, Paul shares with us things we can do to stop it.  We’ll look at each of them and discover how to keep this ACID from destroying our joy.

1. Anxiety

Don’t be anxious.

First, anxiety or worry will destroy our joy. We certainly have enough to worry about, don’t we?  We worry about our kids—if they’ll get sick or hurt, if they’ll do well in school, if they’ll find a good spouse.  We worry about housework and finances and our marriage.  It’s hard to be joyful when we’re dwelling on all the bad things that have happened or can happen.

Some people seem to think that we have to be like an ostrich, burying our heads in the sand and pretending that trouble doesn’t exist in order to be joyful.  Just pretend it’s not there and maybe it will go away.  However, that doesn’t really work.  We need to recognize the source of our worry and deal with it.  It’s ok to admit we have problems, but we can’t allow ourselves to dwell on our troubles or torment ourselves with “what-ifs.” 

Leave your worries with God.

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:6-7, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  If we want to be joyful, we need to leave our worries with God.  Paul tells us to pray about what is worrying us, asking God to help us.  He tells us to do this with thanksgiving.  We need to be thankful for whatever answer God chooses to give us, even if it’s not the answer we would have chosen. 

Once we’ve prayed about it, asked God to help, and thanked Him for answering us in the way He sees fit, then we will have peace, a peace that passes understanding.  That peace leads to joy, even in the worst of circumstances.  Paul went through some pretty tough stuff, and he was still able to rejoice and give thanks to God.  We can too, if, instead of dwelling on our problems, we choose to leave our worries with God.

2. Criticism

Don’t be critical.

Next, criticism will eat away at our joy.  It’s hard to be joyful when others criticize us, but I want us to focus on our own critical attitude toward others.  All too often we spend more time focusing on the negative in the circumstances and the people around us, especially our children.  We think more about what they are doing wrong rather than what they do right.  Just last night, my son told my husband that he feels like he’s always in trouble and can’t do anything right.  It’s because I focus more on his negative behavior than I do the positive.  It’s stolen his joy and mine.  He can’t be joyful when all he hears about is what he’s doing wrong, and I can’t be joyful when I all see is what’s wrong around me. 

Look for the good.

We read in Philippians 4:9, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”   When tempted to criticize, we need to look for the good. 

We recently watched the movie Pollyanna.  It’s about a girl who became an orphan and had to go live with her aunt.  At first, Pollyanna drove everyone around her crazy because she was always talking about all the things she was glad about.  She and her father had made up the “Glad Game.”  Whenever something bad happened, they came up with something to be glad about in that circumstance.  Over time, Pollyanna’s cheerful attitude rubbed off on the whole town, and they learned that, if they would look for the good in someone or something, they would always find it.  We could all learn a lesson from Pollyanna. 

We can always find something to be glad about.  Back in Philippians 4:4, Paul tells us to rejoice in the Lord.  If nothing else, we can be glad that Jesus died to save us and that we are forgiven of our sin.  That alone should be enough to make us rejoice.  We will be much more joyful if we remember to look for the good in our circumstances and in the people around us.

3. Ignorance

Don’t be ignorant.

Another thing that destroys our joy is ignorance.  Now, that word has a negative connotation, but it simply means a lack of knowledge or information.  A person who is ignorant just doesn’t know something.  We are all ignorant about certain things, even though we’re knowledgeable about other things.  Sometimes we are overwhelmed, and we feel like we’re in over our heads.  Maybe we’re dealing with something with one of our kids or we have a problem in our marriage, and we don’t know how to handle it.  We just feel helpless, and we need answers.  Because of our ignorance, we end up frustrated instead of joyful.

Learn from others.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:9, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”  Paul taught the Philippians what they needed to know about God, and he encouraged them to remember and apply what they learned from him.  The Philippians overcame their ignorance by learning from Paul.  We also can overcome our ignorance when we are willing to learn from others.  We may not have the answers that we need, but someone out there does. 

The Bible is a great source for answers.  God says in 2 Peter 1:3 that He has given us everything we need for life and godliness, so all the answers we need are in the Bible.  We may need someone to help us find those biblical answers, and that’s where godly friends come in.  We all need help now and then.  We all need someone we can turn to for advice and godly counsel.

 Notice what Paul says back in Philippians 4:9. If the Philippians practiced what they learned from Paul, the God of peace would be with them.  I think this is true for us as well.  As we learn to be more godly from other godly women, God will bless us.  We will have peace, and in turn joy.

4. Discontentment

Don’t be discontent.

Finally, discontentment will eat away at our joy.  It’s tempting to think that we will be happy “If only ____________.”  If only my baby would sleep through the night…If only my kids were better behaved…If only we had more money…If only my husband would do this or that better, then I would be happy.  If this is our attitude, though, then we quickly find that once we’ve gotten what we thought would make us happy, then something else pops up, and we start the “If onlys” again. 

Learn to be content.

As I mentioned earlier, Paul went through a lot of bad things.  However, he realized that contentment is not dependent on circumstances.  Paul found something to rejoice about in spite of his circumstances.  In Philippians 4:10-12, Paul writes, “I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me.  You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity.  Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”  Following Paul’s example, we should learn to be content.

  This doesn’t come naturally to us.  It’s something that we must work at.  No matter what stage of life we’re in, no matter how much or how little we have, we can learn to be content.  We need to remember that we are exactly where God wants us to be, so we can enjoy the good where we are rather than wanting to be somewhere different.  We also have exactly what He wants us to have, no more and no less.  When we realize that, then we will stop wanting more and will be satisfied with what He has graciously given us.  We can learn to be content, and with contentment comes joy.

I know this all sounds good, but it’s actually really hard to put into practice.  I’ve forgotten at times to apply it, and the joy has been lacking in my home.  On my own, I will continue to fail.  However, thank God, I’m not on my own.  The key to this whole thing is Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” 

On my own, I’m anxious, but with God’s help, I can leave my worries with God.  On my own, I’m critical, but with His help I can look for the good.  On my own, I’ll remain ignorant, but with His help, I can learn from those around me.  On my own, I struggle with discontentment, but with His help, I can learn to be content.  As I rely on Christ to help me apply these things, then I will begin to experience the joy that He intends for me.  Then I will begin to experience the abundant life that Jesus came to bring.